Stupid and funny from all over the world - II

[Abu Zolfiqar]

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A DIG and a Commandant of the Armed Police were relaxing on the lounge of the mess. The conversation turned towards their orderlies a short while later. Each one claimed that his orderly was a fool. The two decided to compare. The commandant called for his orderly and said, "Ram Singh here is a ten rupees note go and purchase an Ambassador car from the market right now and bring it here. "Right Sir", said the orderly. He took the note from the officer saluated and went back. Then the DIG called his orderly and told him, "Prem Singh, go to my office and see whether I'm sitting there or not. "Right Sir", the orderly said and went back. The two officers had a hearty laugh not realising that the orderlies were talking outside. Ram Singh was saying, "Prem Singh, look at my stupid boss he doesn't even know that the market is closed today and the car cannot be bought". "And look at my boss Ram Singh, he wants me to go and see whether he is in his office or not. Why can't he ring up and find out. I've never seen such a lazy officer in my life".

[Leader]

self del.....

[Lonely Hermit]

Laloo Prasad Yadav sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference:







“Bhaiyo aur unki Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amreeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”

Everyone was delighted. Laloo Prasad continued: “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaunga? Par letter angreeze main hai - Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad >> Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet >> Aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement >> Humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence >> Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kono zaroorat nahee.

No phone call >> Phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained >> Bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks >> Aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates. >> Tohar Bilva

[Lonely Hermit]

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

[Lonely Hermit]

Indian election
1. Name of Candidate : _______________________

2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail : _______________________
(ii) Cell Number : _______________________

3. Political Party : _______________________
(List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological Order)

4. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian

5. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of the above

6. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue
(if you choose "D,attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recogonised Government Psychiatrist)

7. How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A - 1-2 yrs
B - 2-6yrs
C - 6-15yrs
D - 15+yrs

8. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

9. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A - 1-2 years
B - 2-6 years
C - 6-15 years
D - 15+years

10. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A - Why not
B - Of Course
C - Definitely
D - I deny it all
E - I see a foreign hand

11. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A - 10-50 Crores
B - 50-100 Crores
C - Overflow...
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc. to Rupees)

12. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A - No
B - No
C - No
D - No

13. How many people have you killed or murdered ?[ ]
A - 50
B - 100
C - 1000
D - Lost count

14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [___]
Thumb Impresssion of candidate
(Not that of the person who filled the form)

[Lonely Hermit]

Indian Political Maths
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.



Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!

[Nothing]

Indian Political Maths
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.



Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!

I am glad he left the river ...

[BoB's]

Indian Political Maths
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.



Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!

.......

[BlackenTheSky]

[Filmmaker]

[Filmmaker]

Ohh She's Hot!... Dammit!

[Filmmaker]

[Filmmaker]

Cast Of Expendables

[Filmmaker]

So True...

[Filmmaker]

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