A difficult question.
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Hemlock Khalid
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I dont get it
Proudpakistaniguy
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Very difficult question which only genius can answer lol Spell checker dont recognize the word "zealand". Maps/globe also cut out the pacific ocean so Australia is on the map and New Zealand is not
BTW Do you actually exist?
BTW Do you actually exist?
livingdead
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I used to know a guy who said he is from new zealand.
Chinese-Dragon
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livingdead
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I am having second thought now... my belief dropped from 95 % to 50 %.
The Jedi People's Republic of Nu Zeelind, is one are the greatest nations of breast loving beer drinkers as well as being the world's largest producer of milk. A fact which is interesting because before we got there none of the animals even had any breasts.
The country is located as far from everywhere else as possible.
New Zealand - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The country is located as far from everywhere else as possible.
New Zealand - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
I'm fairly sure that hailing from New Zealand is simply an euphemism for being very drunk.
Well if spell check doesn't recognise it, clearly it doesn't exist.
I think we've proven beyond doubt that New Zealand most certainly doesn't exist.
Dubious
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Dubious
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History
Prehistory
Mori-Ori, a peaceful people from Micronesia. (Unfortunately what was once called Old Zealand already had inhabitants, so they killed all the natives and later changed the name to New Zealand.
Prehistorical
The Islands were re-discovered again in the 17th century by the famous Dutch pot smoker Disable Tasman, who gave the country its current name New Zealand after remembering what he had for dinner last night but unfortunately he could not spell Vealandvegies so he ended up writing Zealand. The 'New' was added after New Jersey because both were wild and uncivilised places populated by savages. He subsequently introduced the marijuana plant, which to this day forms a mainstay of the economy.
Aotearoa was re-discovered yet again by Captain James Cook, who thought that as no-one outside the place worth mentioning had heard of it, it could perhaps do with a bit more discovering, and the introduction of the wheel, iron tools and fire arms to the natives. The first expedition included a touring Circus that was tragically massacred by the Maori.
With a flash of imagination Cook decided to name the country's islands North Island, South Island and The Other Island. Subsequently the British settled Nu Zeelend in force, unleashing biological warfare on the cannibalistic Maori, the only known as well as nearly exterminating the native flora & fauna using one very large rabbit and Welshmen with a predilection for beastality. While it's tempting to blame Americans for most of the problems in the world, Australians are to blame for inflicting upon New Zealand the dreaded possum, the deadly magpie, Fords and Fosters Lager. The Americans, however, are to blame for everything else, including the ebola virus, Al Gore's documentary on global warming, global warming itself, (c)rap music, international terrorism and last (but by no means least) the shitfest TV programme, "Sex in The City". Having said that, New Ziland is full of inbreed assholes.
When the Europeans tried to take over the land of New Zealand, by offering a totally unfair system called money and trade, the Maori scuttled off under the cloud of treatises, and screamed "unfair" claiming that the lands was theirs, had always been, and that buying blocks of land in exchange for piles of cash was unfair. However, when the few surviving Moriori proclaimed that they possessed the land first, the Maori then claimed that the Moriori never existed, and were only a story you told your kids to make sure that when they grew up, they didn't become peace-activists. Losing this argument, they then said they they had the right to the land, because the had won it by right of conquest ... and so the saga continues.
Government
In 1948 The Queen's Dad let New Zealandahs have their own parliamentary system. New Zealandars took to constitutional reform while on some seriously hard drugs: "Let's abolish our upper house, and work out what to have instead later" (1950) and, "Let's have half the seats in parliament filled by people who don't have to stand for election, and call it MMP" (1996) are two of the country's landmark reforms.
From 1948 until 2008 Nuy Zealand had their own Labour Party Fuhrer/Dictator (Helen Clark) (Gender unknown) who ruled over New Zealand with an iron fist. Towards the end of his reign Ms Clark's iron disease spread throughout His whole body (similar to the Iron Lady of England, Margaret Thatcher) and he had to be removed from office by a forklift truck. Another fallout from Mr Clark's decline was foreign Minister Winston Peters who got the sack, not because he was flakier than Helen Clark's scalp, but because all his constituency had finally died.
New Zealand has an extremely egalitarian approach to who can run for office. Women, and the term is used loosely, are merely required to be mind-bogglingly ugly, and men need only be white-collar
Economy
New Zilend's economy is based on the sheep, which have been found to have countless uses, including, but not limited to:
The Haka
The Haka is a traditional Maori war dance that involves a large amount of excessively masculine facial expressions and body movements. The most common of these is the tounge poke which everyone outside of the indigenous people of nu zulland always cock up. The Maori Haka is usually characterized by a lot of white people slapping themselves in various levels of synchronicity. Despite the visual foolishness of the vast majority of the patrons involved in the Haka it is still preformed at almost every function or event that has anything to do with Neeu Ziiland.This has led many states in Australia to impose a blanket ban on all spontaneous displays of crouching followed by shouting and slapping.
Mating Rituals
New Zealanders are very social creatures, and spend as much time as possible with partners be them sheep, humans or the residents of Invercargill. In order to achieve social harmony Nou Zilldars have developed crude innate senses that can only be employed in the dark. These include a heightened sense of smell, night vision and an increased output of pheromones that allow them, by very superficial means to judge whether someone would make a suitable partner or not. This often doesn't go to plan, due to the Kiwi desire to remain budded up. It takes an incredibly long time for them to realize the fact their partner is a jerk to cause a rift large enough to break the relationship. Due to the absolute social failure that this creates between humans in natural relationships, many New Zealanders are inclined to shack up with sheep to avoid continuing in the whole ridiculous debacle.
The New Zillend male has a mating chant that sounds something like "Are ya awake, bitch?"
Prehistory
Mori-Ori, a peaceful people from Micronesia. (Unfortunately what was once called Old Zealand already had inhabitants, so they killed all the natives and later changed the name to New Zealand.
Prehistorical
The Islands were re-discovered again in the 17th century by the famous Dutch pot smoker Disable Tasman, who gave the country its current name New Zealand after remembering what he had for dinner last night but unfortunately he could not spell Vealandvegies so he ended up writing Zealand. The 'New' was added after New Jersey because both were wild and uncivilised places populated by savages. He subsequently introduced the marijuana plant, which to this day forms a mainstay of the economy.
Aotearoa was re-discovered yet again by Captain James Cook, who thought that as no-one outside the place worth mentioning had heard of it, it could perhaps do with a bit more discovering, and the introduction of the wheel, iron tools and fire arms to the natives. The first expedition included a touring Circus that was tragically massacred by the Maori.
With a flash of imagination Cook decided to name the country's islands North Island, South Island and The Other Island. Subsequently the British settled Nu Zeelend in force, unleashing biological warfare on the cannibalistic Maori, the only known as well as nearly exterminating the native flora & fauna using one very large rabbit and Welshmen with a predilection for beastality. While it's tempting to blame Americans for most of the problems in the world, Australians are to blame for inflicting upon New Zealand the dreaded possum, the deadly magpie, Fords and Fosters Lager. The Americans, however, are to blame for everything else, including the ebola virus, Al Gore's documentary on global warming, global warming itself, (c)rap music, international terrorism and last (but by no means least) the shitfest TV programme, "Sex in The City". Having said that, New Ziland is full of inbreed assholes.
When the Europeans tried to take over the land of New Zealand, by offering a totally unfair system called money and trade, the Maori scuttled off under the cloud of treatises, and screamed "unfair" claiming that the lands was theirs, had always been, and that buying blocks of land in exchange for piles of cash was unfair. However, when the few surviving Moriori proclaimed that they possessed the land first, the Maori then claimed that the Moriori never existed, and were only a story you told your kids to make sure that when they grew up, they didn't become peace-activists. Losing this argument, they then said they they had the right to the land, because the had won it by right of conquest ... and so the saga continues.
Government
In 1948 The Queen's Dad let New Zealandahs have their own parliamentary system. New Zealandars took to constitutional reform while on some seriously hard drugs: "Let's abolish our upper house, and work out what to have instead later" (1950) and, "Let's have half the seats in parliament filled by people who don't have to stand for election, and call it MMP" (1996) are two of the country's landmark reforms.
From 1948 until 2008 Nuy Zealand had their own Labour Party Fuhrer/Dictator (Helen Clark) (Gender unknown) who ruled over New Zealand with an iron fist. Towards the end of his reign Ms Clark's iron disease spread throughout His whole body (similar to the Iron Lady of England, Margaret Thatcher) and he had to be removed from office by a forklift truck. Another fallout from Mr Clark's decline was foreign Minister Winston Peters who got the sack, not because he was flakier than Helen Clark's scalp, but because all his constituency had finally died.
New Zealand has an extremely egalitarian approach to who can run for office. Women, and the term is used loosely, are merely required to be mind-bogglingly ugly, and men need only be white-collar
Economy
New Zilend's economy is based on the sheep, which have been found to have countless uses, including, but not limited to:
- Eating
- Shearing
- Drinking
- Fortune telling
- Sexual tourism
The Haka
The Haka is a traditional Maori war dance that involves a large amount of excessively masculine facial expressions and body movements. The most common of these is the tounge poke which everyone outside of the indigenous people of nu zulland always cock up. The Maori Haka is usually characterized by a lot of white people slapping themselves in various levels of synchronicity. Despite the visual foolishness of the vast majority of the patrons involved in the Haka it is still preformed at almost every function or event that has anything to do with Neeu Ziiland.This has led many states in Australia to impose a blanket ban on all spontaneous displays of crouching followed by shouting and slapping.
Mating Rituals
New Zealanders are very social creatures, and spend as much time as possible with partners be them sheep, humans or the residents of Invercargill. In order to achieve social harmony Nou Zilldars have developed crude innate senses that can only be employed in the dark. These include a heightened sense of smell, night vision and an increased output of pheromones that allow them, by very superficial means to judge whether someone would make a suitable partner or not. This often doesn't go to plan, due to the Kiwi desire to remain budded up. It takes an incredibly long time for them to realize the fact their partner is a jerk to cause a rift large enough to break the relationship. Due to the absolute social failure that this creates between humans in natural relationships, many New Zealanders are inclined to shack up with sheep to avoid continuing in the whole ridiculous debacle.
The New Zillend male has a mating chant that sounds something like "Are ya awake, bitch?"
Chronos
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cloud_9
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According to His Majesty MS Word the 2013, by the Grace of God King of New Zeeland and His Other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith New Zeeland surely exists.Maybe it's the same guy who owns Zee TV
According to His Majesty MS Word the 2013, by the Grace of God King of New Zeeland and His Other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith New Zeeland surely exists.Maybe it's the same guy who owns Zee TV
This is a conundrum, New Zealand doesn't exist according to Google Chrome but exists (somewhat) according to MS Word.
Microsoft conspiracy? I think so.
cloud_9
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Nah! this is a new country called New Zeeland
Nah! this is a new country called New Zeeland
Ah right. In that case clearly, we're yet to prove that New Zealand exists. My belief in in its existence has dropped to 10%. Since you claim to live in New Zealand, I also conjecture that you don't exist.
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