What's new

Feedback needed on how to help a parent struggling with bereavement and the loss of their spouse?

Savak

FULL MEMBER

New Recruit

Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
81
Reaction score
1
Country
Pakistan
Location
Canada
It's been a year since my mother passed away after battling a debilitating nuerological disease which rapidly made her bed ridden and totally dependent on others for basic needs. She had been in severe pain and agony for so many years and the pace with which she was declining during the beginning of the disease, any neutral person could tell by observing her as to what will happen and that she didn't have much time left. Towards the end of her disease, even i had reconciled with her wishes that she just wanted to priortize quality of life and wanted to leave the planet on her own terms and by the end i was happy her suffering/azmaish was over.

Unfortunately, both my young sister and my father have fallen into deep depression as time as gone on. In the beginning of my mothers passing my dad too was happy that her suffering was indeed over and that he no longer had to see her in such deep agony. He was coping with it by talking about her to all the well wishers, family members and friends who would offer him condolences.

He also made the right decision by deciding not to retire from working and to do what he knows best i.e. bury himself with work, travel just like he would do before. It is very hard for him to live in the house in Canada where my mother and his wife passed away and he becomes very restless after staying in the house for more than 3 weeks and is just desperate to get out. When he comes back after travelling for 1-2 months, initially he is happy, cheerful, smiling cracking jokes and comments that he is happy to be back home after being away for so long, but come again 2-3 weeks later he starts going back into that depressive state of mind.

Its been one year now and its becoming very clear that his depression and sadness is just getting worse and recently everywhere he goes everyone can tell by watching his body language that he is practically giving up on himself and has no real desire to live. People have privately reached out to me, my wife, my sister about my dad and that he have to do something to help him.

We have tried suggesting to him to get counselling because it is now clear that he is not coping. Even praying daily is not helping him and had it not been for his work, he would have really struggled badly.

The purpose of this thread is to reach out to people because i am pretty sure almost everyone at some point has dealt with the loss of a parent and then automatically as a result they now have to deal with the stress of having to emotionally look after the other parent who is in a prolonged grieving phase.

Any feedback, experiences, tips, suggestions will be most welcome?
 
It feels like I typed the question. mom passed away from a neurogenerative disease back 06. Dad never got out of the funk and passed away 9 months later. I tried to get him out, by changing his location and tried to minimize things that would make him remember her. he never forgot her and even the places they visited together while visiting me here in usa, would trigger memories.

I basically failed, but my attempt was to change the location (from pk to usa) and minimize things that would trigger memories. he had finally agreed to come in early 07 but never made it to 07. so not a success story, but the attempts that I made.

If you can change house/city that be great. Might get you clobbered, but if he would remotely consider getting married again; that be something. this may be something you and your siblings have to come to terms before pitching it to him. Some family friends came to us to think about it, 3-4 months after mom's death. We were aghast but thought it might be the way, never gathered the courage to ask him. he may have shot me, if I got around to ask him. :)
 
Worst part of losing a spouse especially in older years is lack of companionship and support. Remarrying should be an option.
 

Pakistan Affairs Latest Posts

Back
Top Bottom